Emma Turns 5

I'm rather behind, but Emma's birthday was last month. I can hardly believe it's been five years since we brought her home from the hospital, but here she is.

Emma is such a fun kid to be around. I love her to pieces. She is the most lovable, cuddly, talkative five-year-old. She's as smart as a whip and keeps us laughing. She's recently discovered jokes, especially knock-knock jokes. In fact, if you have new ones, please send them our way. We're looking for some fresh material. :) She loves preschool and is looking forward to kindergarten already. She loves playing on the computer especially on NickJr, Webkinz, and PBSKids. Her favorite toys are her Disney princess dolls (the polly-pocket type). Emma is taking swimming lessons where she is trying to get brave enough to jump in the water (silly girl) and loves her tumbling class.

Mostly it's fun just watching her grow up. I love my Emma girl. We're looking forward to taking her skiing again on Saturday and look forward to playing lots in the warmer weather. We're all looking forward to summer.

Birthday girl with "Hearty" the Webkinz monkey from her cousin Cassidy. The tulips are from Grandma Charles.

Every little girl needs rings. She likes to say "This is my preschool ring. This is my going-to-friends' houses ring," etc.
Birthday party with friends EmmaLynn and Maycee. They loved decorating cupcakes.

Friends Morgan, Ashlyn (she's the best little sister friend), and Abby.

Trials

One of my best friends reminded me that sharing our trials lightens our load and often helps others, so I guess I'll share. It's been a rough couple of months around here. Thankfully life is returning to normal, whatever that may be.

A few days before the girls' surgery I started wondering if I was pregnant. A few days after, there was no question. While helping the girls recover was taxing, it was especially hard because I was obviously EXHAUSTED, but also very stressed out. Deciding when and whether or not to have a third child has been a difficult decision, and being pregnant was terrifying.

However, it didn't take long for me to realize that things didn't feel right. For those of you who don't know, before we were blessed with Emma, I miscarried twice (at 6 and 9 weeks). With both of those pregnancies, I was tired, but felt fine. With the girls, I quickly developed nausea and was grateful for it. It meant everything was fine. I kept telling Nick I was sure it was just a matter of days until I miscarried, but everything appeared to be all right. Around 7 weeks I spotted a bit. Although I was sure the pregnancy was over, the bleeding stopped for a few days. Then a little more. Then nothing for a few days. I know that's normal for many pregnancies, so I toughed it out. Besides, if I was miscarrying, there's really nothing they could do anyway.

Nick had to leave for work for the week, and since nothing more had happened and I had a doctor's appointment at the end of the week, I sent him off. Tuesday, just after my doctor's office closed, I had some pretty heavy bleeding that of course stopped. The next morning I called the office and went in for some blood work. Thursday they called with the results to tell me my hormone levels were normal for how far along I was, so they had me come in for an ultrasound. My wonderful mother came to go with me. I was sure there wouldn't be a baby. That had been the case with my second miscarriage. Well, there was. But I've seen enough ultrasounds by now that I recognized right away that there wasn't a heartbeat. I was nearly 8 1/2 weeks along. The baby lived to be 7 weeks, 6 days.

By the next week, I was rather a wreck. It was good to get Nick home to help with the girls, but I didn't know what to do. Should I cancel my classes, should I send the girls somewhere, or should I pretend that everything was normal (I did the third). I hadn't fully miscarried on my own yet, so we finally set up a D&C for Wednesday. While that wasn't fun, I am grateful that it was over. It could have lasted for a couple more weeks, and emotionally, I was spent.

This is what I've learned.

1. I've been through this three times, but it doesn't really get easier. Although I never let myself get emotionally attached this time, I still hoped and dreamed. I have two sisters expecting this summer. It would have been miserably fun to be pregnant together and to have small babies together and to watch them grow together. Don't get me wrong. I couldn't be happier for them and look forward to seeing my nephew(s?). It just would have been fun. And my girls love babies. They would have loved that baby. Lastly, I miss having a baby around. My Ashlyn is getting so big and fun and well, big. There's just something about a baby.
   
2. I am blessed with incredible friends and family. The Lord may give us trials, but he does not expect us to go through them alone.
3. Hormones are crappy. I have had good days and some horrible nights. Being tired is not good for me. I've cried more in the last few weeks than in the last few years. I'm glad Nick tries to understand and loves me through my craziness. Luckily I'm becoming more stable.
   
4. I'm terrified. I'm pretty sure I still want another child, but I don't want to go through this again. There's never a guarantee that things will be fine, but three? I don't want there to be a fourth.
5. I trust in my Savior. His view is far broader than mine. I just look forward to understanding more clearly why I felt so strongly that now was the time. There are countless possibilities and several theories. All I know is that I trust him and he loves me. Things will be okay.

If you've read all this, thank you. I really am doing better. It's sad and hard, but I can think of many worse trials. This happens to be mine. Now it's time to look ahead. We have some fun trips coming up. We're heading to Disneyland with friends in a few weeks, and then Nick and I are going to Mexico for a few days in May. I'm longing for the sunshine. Here's to the happy days ahead.

Adenotonsillectomy

Last Friday we loaded the girls into the car at 5:30am and headed to the hospital. It was time to get rid of the tonsils and adenoids. The girls really didn't get it, so they went along great. They each colored in their new Color Wonder books while the nurses did their prep. By the time the nurse came to get Ashlyn, she had her shoes and socks on and held his hand while they walked to the operating room.

Ashlyn in her hospital gown and a tired mommy early in the morning.

Emma calmly watched PBS Kids cartoons while she waited for her turn.

When Ashlyn was done, she had a hard time coming to grips with reality. She's feisty to begin with and was mad that she hurt and didn't know where she was. All I can say is pain killers will do wonders for a kid (if you can get them to take them).

Emma handled coming to a bit better, but she really did not like that IV. She was flat out mad about it. But, painkiller and several popcicles later, she was smiling a bit and ready to go home.

All in all, three days later it hasn't been too bad. The girls have had their moments. Ashlyn wouldn't drink anything at first, but since she got some food in her, she's been fine. Now if she'll just take her medicine without spitting it all over me. Emma's now dealing with an upset stomach, but hopefully that will wear off soon. Right now, they're both sleeping. Here's my Emma while I type. She is complete with her new Webkinz puppy and her balloon.

Looking back, that's a rather terrifying thing to go through as a parent. I hate the thought of the entire process. But if they're going to have surgery, I'm glad it was a routine procedure. After surgery, the nurse brought us the girls' tonsils to show us. I know, gross. But they really were huge. The doctor was rather impressed by them. I'm just glad they're gone and the girls are doing as well as they are. It will be interesting to see how getting rid of them affects the girls.

Getting Wiggles Out

We had the chance last week to go to Blast Off in Idaho Falls with my sister Kerri and her three little girls. We all enjoyed the time out of the house. All five girls ran, climbed, jumped, dressed-up, and laughed. It was fun to be together. Any time spent with family is good time. I foresee another trip there before summer comes.

Emma and her cousin Kate loved the dress-up area.

This dress was a favorite.
Ashlyn loved wearing this one around and carried it just like a little princess.

Ashlyn with her cousin Jessica. This little house was great for playing peek-a-boo and hanging out together.

One of the main features of Blast Off is tubes to climb through and ball pits. It was really fun.

Pizza and Dress-ups

We had friends over the other day for a much needed play date. We all had a lot of fun making pizzas. After all, what kid doesn't like pizza and getting messy, not to mention eating as much as makes it on the pie!
This has got to be one of my favorite pictures! While I won't post it on FaceBook, I had to put it here. Doesn't the pizza sauce lipstick make an extra beautiful finished look.

Salt Lake Trip

We had the chance to go to Salt Lake with Nick's parents. We went skiing (hence the previous Emma skis video), swimming at the pool, visited Build-a-Bear, and stopped at the lights on our way out of town. Here are the pictures!

Putting the hearts in.

Giving the horse/unicorn a bath.
Emma's "Sparkle Horn" unicorn is sporting a lovely Sleeping Beauty dress complete with Pegasus wings and a star wand.Dressing a horse in a TinkerBell dress. I think Nick is still rolling his eyes, but Ashy loves her "Emily."

Christmas (Finally)

Better late than never, right? Christmas around here was pretty calm. It was a bit change from last year and much less dramatic. Thank goodness. We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas here together. We all enjoyed being home and actually relaxing together. Honestly, it was really nice. Christmas evening my parents and grandma came to join us while we opened presents and for dinner. It was wonderful having them. Grandparents just make everything special.

TinkerToys were a hit. The girls love building with these, and Dad enjoys playing with something other than princesses. Emma loves her "princess in a castle with a prince." She has almost the complete collection and has played and played with them.

I couldn't resist throwing this picture in. We've seen this face a lot lately. Nick calls it her pirate face. It cracks me up every time.
Oh, yes. More princesses.

Ashlyn got the cutest little FurReal kitten and has loved it dearly. If daddy and big sister weren't allergic to them, I'd have bought her the real thing.These two games have been a hit. I love that they're old enough to play games. Ashlyn has a great attention span for them. Emma gets rather bored quickly.On Saturday we all headed to Rexburg for the day. My family had their Christmas party in my little sister's new home, and we all got spoiled once again by my mom. It was great to see family, and we even had the chance to see an old friend from high school and his family.

I've heard many people say that they don't care for the holidays, but I really do enjoy them. I have to pace myself so I'm not running crazy at the end, but this year we allowed ourselves a vacation from the running and played at home. We all enjoyed it.